Humble Pie

“O Lord, it’s hard to be humble/When you’re perfect in every way…”

This old country song by Mac Davis has been running through my head lately as I have recently experienced a newfound humility borne out of an old way way of behaving.

The word “humility” is often confused with the word “humiliation” and yet they are not the same. When I am humiliated I feel bad or ashamed about myself. When I am truly humble I am teachable, right-sized and grateful.

When I am trying to be perfect “in every way” I am hardly in a teachable frame of mind. What can I learn when I already know everything? I am not the right size for my skin because I am ten-feet tall and bullet proof. And how can I be thankful when I am judging everybody else for not being as perfect as I am?

I often say I am a recovering perfectionist. Perfectionism is its own form of addiction. I am consumed by the need to be right and I will go to any lengths to sustain the illusion that I have the power to control others and outcomes. Like many addictions perfectionism is coming from a deeply wounded place. I’m not a perfectionist because I’m an exceptional person I’m a perfectionist because I am a broken person.

Last week, after trying to win my way through a discussion and coming up against brick wall after brick wall I was finally confronted with my own self-righteousness. It was not a pleasant feeling. The worst part about it was that I thought I was being very spiritual the whole time I was engaged in the battle! That sounds frighteningly similar to the terrorist who attacks others in the name of God. (I’m being hard on myself. And yet if we are not examining our inner assassins we are hardly in a position to condemn the “real” ones. I feel another post coming on…)

After it became clear that I had been acting like a hypocrite I had no other recourse but to admit I was wrong and make amends. The response from the other side was silence. No more fighting. The interior response was peace. I am dumbstruck by the complete paradox of this simple formula: We diffuse the bomb through surrender. (Would this work as a tactic at the political level? Declaring peace? There’s that other post again…)

As the shame from my humiliation gradually transformed into humility I began to see a wider view. I remembered that my self-centered behaviour is not actually who I am. It is merely the action that comes forth from my woundedness. I reconnected to the unbroken, untouched Sacred Centre that is the True Core of Who I Am and what do you think emerged? Gratitude.

Inspiring Message of the Day: Accepting my imperfection is an ongoing process. I will give thanks for my humanness, which allows my Whole Self to continually emerge.

GDGH

Dearest Readers,

According to Wikipedia the author of the notable quote, “Go big or go home,” is unknown. Too bad. I could give him/her a shout-out today because I just appropriated the saying for my own usage.

Today in the grocery store, among the lettuce heads and fennel bulbs, a friend called X and I got to talking about one of my favourite subjects: the Healing Path. We hadn’t seen each other for a while so we got caught up on our lives in general and then before we knew it we were getting Real.

X shared with me a recent decision he’d made to take some time off to focus on his personal growth.”I’m taking care of myself,” he said. “I’m getting down to the core.”

“Good for you,” I said, “We gotta go deep or go home.”

X’s response was to laugh but in a genuinely frustrated way.”Why?” he protested. “Why do we have to go deep? No one else is doing it! Look around! People are just doing whatever and they’re fine with it!”

“Are they?” I asked. “We don’t know that. People may look fine but we don’t really know for certain. We can’t compare other people’s outsides with our insides.”

“Ignorance is bliss,” said X.

I agree. The problem only occurs when the bliss stops. We get sick or we have an accident. Or a Still, Small Voice gnaws at us quietly, bugging us to make a change. Some people can ignore these Signs. Some people can’t. I am one of the ones who can’t.

Oh, I tried. Believe me I did. I tried for years to ignore the Deeper Call. Didn’t work. No more can do. I raised the white flag. Surrender to win.

That’s the good news. We really do win when we decide to heed to Higher Guidance.┬áThere is pain, yes. We will have to grieve. Uh-huh. But underneath the pain is a very, very “deep” wellspring of Love.

So it’s GDGH all the way for me, my friends. TG.

Inspiring Message of the Day: Despite the fear of pain I will answer the Deeper Call. I will trust that by going to the core of my issues I will eventually uncover my Highest Good.