The temperature has plummeted. It was -28 C when I woke up yesterday morning but that didn’t stop me from going on the cardio walk I’ve committed to once a week. I bundled up despite the cold and headed out to brave the weather.<\/p>\n
It was probably around 10 a.m. when I reached the top of the cliffs that overlook this fair city and the sun had not yet risen above the mountains. The sky was a palette of pastel colours and I watched a plane take off and head into the orange and pink wash.<\/p>\n
From there I slid down a steep and snowy bank on my butt and headed into one of the local churches for a carol-singing service. Who could have asked for a better morning?<\/p>\n
But I was not in tune with the goodness of it all. I found myself feeling extremely irritable during the service. Cranky pants. Judge Judy. Grrr.<\/p>\n
Thank goodness I had a phone call scheduled with one of the gals on my support team upon my arrival home. She asked me if I was tired. Fatigue can bring up fear, which is inevitably at the core of these kinds of feelings.<\/p>\n
No, I wasn’t tired. I’d had a good sleep and plenty of rest during the preceding days. What was I fearful about? I listed a couple of issues that could be triggering fear-based thinking and we talked through them. It helped but there was still another piece missing.<\/p>\n
Have you heard of HALT? It’s an acronym that can help us sort out what’s going on with us if we’re feeling off. It stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. Often, if I’m experiencing fear, it can be attributed to one of these states.<\/p>\n
Hating to admit it, I knew it was the “L” that was kicking my butt. Lonely. Ugh. I said to my friend, “It absolutely kills me to own up to this but I am feeling lonely.”<\/p>\n
Being on the healing path, I often think that I shouldn’t<\/i> still experience things like loneliness. My friend deferred. “I’m often shocked to find out I’m still human,” she said.<\/p>\n
Why is it so hard to admit that I feel lonely? <\/p>\n
Because the perfectionist in me tells me there’s no excuse for it anymore. I’ve got faith in a Higher Power, I have friends and supporters and community and family. If I’m lonely I’m obviously doing something wrong.<\/p>\n
Wrong. If I’m lonely I’m human. Shocking.<\/p>\n
Episodes like this are humbling. And boy do they teach me a lot. <\/p>\n