Dearest Readers,<\/p>\n
Years ago, before I got on the healing path, I was in a deeply dysfunctional relationship that could only truly be described as totally self-destructive. I probably shouldn’t even call it a relationship because we never did have a commitment to one another. We would just get loaded and then end up in bed.<\/p>\n
For a time, this person and I lived together, trying to make our non-committed, non-relationship work. It was a disaster. We ended up parting ways under extremely uncomfortable circumstances and for years afterward I held this person in contempt, full of anger and resentment at the way things turned out.<\/p>\n
Last night, a friend and I were talking about past relationships and I was relating some of the above story to help her through her own situation. We were talking about what it takes to forgive the person we feel has wronged us. <\/p>\n
We both agreed that it takes a lot!<\/p>\n
Part of the difficulty comes from the fear of letting go. If I forgive him then he gets away with it! If I let her off the hook that means what she did is okay! If I let go it means… what does<\/i> it mean? <\/p>\n
It means I get to be free.<\/p>\n
But… but… it means he\/she gets to be free, too. And that’s not fair. He hurt me! She wronged me! She deserves to be punished. He should pay!<\/p>\n
The irony is, because the fear of letting go is keeping me<\/i> holding on, I<\/i> am the one who is, in fact, paying. He’s just living his life. She’s just doing her thing. I’m in bondage to the desire to see him\/her suffer. I’m not free.<\/p>\n
The idea that I’d be letting my former lover off the hook kept me holding on to my anger\/hurt for a very long time. In order to begin the process of letting go I needed to become willing to see that this person’s punishment was not my responsibility. By making it mine I was giving away my power to the past and thereby eroding my own sense of self-worth.<\/p>\n
It’s taken years but as I told my friend last night, I have managed to let go of the hurt and the anger. I’ve worked my butt off to allow forgiveness into my heart. Forgive the person, forgive myself. Challenging<\/i>. But worth it. Because I’m no longer in bondage to the past or to the person. <\/p>\n
So then wouldn’t you know it, this very person appeared in my dream last night. As my lover.<\/p>\n
In the dream, we were getting back together but not in the past, in the present. This person was healed, I was healed. Our love was new and exciting. We were mutually supportive and respectful. Our intimacy was deeply sensual and a heck of a lot of fun.<\/p>\n
What does this<\/i> mean? <\/p>\n
For me, the relationship in the dream represents total reconciliation with the wounded\/hurt\/angry part of myself. She is (I am) over it. She is healed and so I am healed. Together we are whole. We are Self-Love, embodied. New and exciting, mutually supportive and respectful, sensual and fun.<\/p>\n
Free.<\/p>\n
Inspiring Message of the Day: Am I afraid that if I forgive someone I will be letting him\/her off the hook? Can I accept that it’s not my job to make sure he\/she is punished? Today I will become willing to let go of the wound in exchange for my freedom.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Dearest Readers, Years ago, before I got on the healing path, I was in a deeply dysfunctional relationship that could only truly be described as totally self-destructive. I probably shouldn’t even call it a relationship because we never did have a commitment to one another. We would just get loaded and then end up in…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[170,169,4,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-316","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fear-of-letting-go","category-forgive-your-ex-lover","category-inspiration","category-motivation"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/316","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=316"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/316\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=316"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=316"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.celiamcbride.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=316"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}