• Tech it Out

    • February 16, 2010 9:01 am

    Dearest Readers,

    For those of you that are involved in any kind of show biz career you know that what we, in the industry, call “tech days” are some of the more challenging times in the process of creating a live production.

    For the Big O Project, we’ve got two tech days and 2 shows on the night of the second one. Yesterday was our first.

    Save for a couple of SNAFUs, the day went by smoothly and we finished early. One of the glitches we experienced actually bothered me quite a bit and, at one point, I was rather vocal in my vexation.

    The situation was resolved at the end of the day and I got an apology for the mistake, which was great.

    Upon retiring I reflected back on the day to the moment where I had voiced my distress. Albeit to comic effect, my punishing words were something to the effect of, “Please don’t remind of this again because I’m going to poke a f&$%#ing stick in my eye if it gets mentioned one more time.”

    The perfectionist in me says, “Celia, do it better next time.” The recovering perfectionist in me says, “You’re allowed to react to stressful situations and you’re a funny gal, in an acerbic kind of way.”

    I like the recovering perfectionist better. She gets my jokes.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Though I am committed to practicing “Restraint of Tongue” I will give myself permission to vocalize my frustration, when necessary!

    Doctors Do It

    • February 15, 2010 7:28 am

    Dearest Readers,

    After five months of build-up we have arrived at the week of production/performance for the Big O Project and what I’m feeling can be pretty much summed up by the following two words:

    Holy s&$%!

    When it comes to the intensity of pre-performance time and, let’s face it, the experience of the actual performance, I must use all the tools in the tool kit. Here are just a few: surrender, acceptance, fearlessness, humility, patience, prayer, meditation, relaxation, faith and trust.

    The other day, I blogged about the documentary 65_RedRoses and there is one scene in that film that keeps coming back to me.

    In it, the doctor who is about to perform the double lung transplant on Eva, the young woman in the film with cystic fibrosis, is alone in a locker room preparing for the surgery. He is nervous and he is pumped, pacing back and forth, shaking his arms, releasing the tension. Then he does something I never expected to see a doctor do. He gets down on his knees and prays.

    Not only was it surprising to see a doctor, a scientist of medicine, pray in such a way, it was astonishing to be allowed into such an intimate moment in a person’s life. Fantastic!

    Here he was, an intelligent and skilled man (whom we later learn is one of a number of doctors who performed a record number of transplants over the course of those 24 hours), asking for help (strength, guidance, courage, steady-hands?) from Something Other Than Himself.

    If there were to be a camera following me around this week you can bet it would catch me down on my knees, brothers and sisters, seeking that healing balm of Higher Guidance.

    Holy s$%#!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: My strength and courage come from a Power Greater Than Myself. I will continue to ask this Power to guide and carry me through the operation of my life.

    Judge Judy Presiding

    • February 13, 2010 9:34 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Some time ago, the rock band The White Stripes flew into Whitehorse to play a concert. I wasn’t a fan, I’d barely heard their music and I didn’t even really know how big they are in the music world, which is huge.

    Sometime after their arrival, I got a call from a friend who is also a local reporter. “The White Stripes are going to play an impromptu concert in one hour at Lepage Park. Go.” I went. They played, it was a crazy scene and I really dug the performance.

    Well, I dug his performance. Jack White. He was dynamic and obviously really talented, not to mention hot. Then there was his sister, Meg. She sat on the ground beside him, hardly moving, never speaking, occasionally shaking a couple of percussive instruments.

    As much as I hate to admit this, I wrote her off as lame.

    Last night at ALFF, I watched The White Stripes: Under Great White Northern Lights, the documentary that was made as the band toured Canada. The footage includes the stop they made in our fair city and the Lepage park concert. It’s a great film.

    For two hours I watched this gal, Meg, whose character I had totally assassinated, wail on the drums with the speed and virtuosity of a true maestro. It was astonishing.

    After the movie was over I cut myself a great big piece of humble pie and ate the whole thing, bite by bite.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: The Diviners

    Dying to be Human

    • February 12, 2010 10:17 am

    Dearest Readers,

    A friend who read yesterday’s blog sent me an email that said: “Breaking news……You are not going to die.”

    He went on to say that the “real ‘you’ is ethereal, inextinguishable” and, as a result, there is no death.

    I also happen to be studying a book by Emmet Fox called Power Through Constructive Thinking and the chapter I am currently on is called, Life After Death.

    Fox writes, “There is absolutely no reason to fear death… The actual truth is that there is no death.” He goes on to talk about alternate realities and the Greater Truth of Oneness.

    “You have nothing to fear in life or death–because God is All, And God is Good.”

    I understand on a fundamental level that there is no death. And my friend’s breaking news was not news to me. I must, however, allow myself to be human in this process of accepting this Higher Truth. In order to arrive at this place of fearlessness I first must acknowledge my fear.

    It is simply not enough to say, “There is no death. I get it man. We’re all One.” Why? Because I’m human. I live in a body, here, on the earthly plane. That means I have an ego, it means I’m going to feel fear, it means I need to process information before I can integrate it into my personal experience of being.

    When I was living in Ireland in the mid-nineties I had a lover whose parents had both recently died. One night, after too much Guinness, this lover of mine broke down in tears, grieving this terrible loss. Although I was physically responsive I remember having a conversation (AKA giving a lecture) about grief being useless because death was only an illusion.

    No compassion.

    We are human. We have to grieve. We have to feel. Accepting that I am connected to the Infinite is vital to my spiritual well-being but acknowledging that I am a person, with a sometimes complicated emotional make-up, will allow me to practice that most integral of spiritual agents: Compassion.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Breaking news: There is no death! I will practice allowing this deeper Truth to travel from my intellect to my emotional understanding, from my head to my heart.

    Live Free

    • February 11, 2010 9:47 am

    Dearest Readers,

    It’s ALFF time in our fair city and last night I got to see an amazing documentary called 65_RedRoses about a young woman living with Cystic Fibrosis. Talk about inspiring.

    The main character, Eva Markvoort, is one courageous cookie. At one point in the film she is talking about the reality of her dying and she says, in essence, “You have to look at your own death, you have to feel that and go through it and then you can move on.”

    The beginning of my work as an Inspiring Coach can probably be traced back to the moment when I faced my own death, grieved the loss of my life and became willing to die. It was an awakening that has continued to help me to walk through my fear each and every day.

    The discovery that my fear of death was actually the big mother fear at the root of all my little fears and anxieties led me to finally confront it head on. I’ve written about this experience before. I was on an airplane and the fear of crashing was so intense that I had no other recourse. I simply had to go there.

    As a result of accepting the fact that I do not know when or how I am going to die I have been able to let go of many of the control issues, which, as I mentioned, stem from this underlying knowledge of my true lack of control.

    My fear of death still comes up and I still have to practice letting go of the illusion of control but embracing death has brought a profound richness to my life. Without the denial of death’s reality I am able to breathe freely in the experience of being alive.

    Eva Markvoort looked her death straight in the eye. She accepted the reality of her dying. And then she got on with the business of living. She is the embodiment of courage, in my eyes.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: By going to the very core of my fear I can be freed of the power it holds over me. I can walk through it, let go and move forward into a deeper and fuller existence.

    Sweater Heaven

    • February 10, 2010 9:40 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I shared the following post on Facebook:

    “Celia McBride wants you to know that hand-washing your cashmere sweaters can actually boost your self-esteem.”

    Was I being facetious? Not entirely.

    Sweaters love me and I love sweaters. I actually wear sweaters in July, much to the chagrin of my t-shirt loving girlfriends. Some of my sweaters need hand-washing and, like vacuuming (see earlier post), I will put this task off for as long as humanly possible.

    A few days ago I finally started taking action to wash the four sweaters that so badly needed it. I told myself I could tackle the job one sweater at a time. And that is what I did. In baby steps.

    First sweater came out of the closet and onto the chair. Then into the kitchen. Then into a pot with soap. Let it soak. That evening scrubbed and rinsed and hung to dry. Why not number two? Out of the closet, directly into the pot, repeat.

    Four days later and the last one has been soaking overnight in the pot and will be hung to dry today. Not exactly OHIO, but progress, friends, not perfection.

    Where does the self-esteem part come in? Well, after sweater number two, I felt good about myself for having done the thing I was avoiding. My energy shifted. I experienced satisfaction and pleasure knowing the job was getting done and I had taken the action necessary to do it.

    Bonus track: four clean sweaters!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: We can feel good about ourselves by accomplishing the simplest of tasks. Today I will take on a simple task in order to boost my self-esteem and feel the joy of accomplishment.

    Take it Down a Notch (or Seven)

    • February 9, 2010 9:49 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As a result of some of the challenges I’ve been experiencing with the Big O Project I have had to do a lot of “right-sizing” both with my ego and with the job itself.

    By “right-sizing” I mean putting things in their proper perspective. I’m a recovering extremist and the child of an exaggerator and much of the healing work I’ve done over the last decade has involved this process of shifting my perception back to the actual reality of the situation.

    If you haven’t seen Spinal Tap, the mockumentary by Christopher Guest, then surely you’ve heard the expression, “It goes to eleven,” that comes from the movie. “Eleven” refers to the noise-level on the guitar amplifier belonging to the character of Nigel Tufnel, Spinal Tap’s lead guitarist. All the other amps in the world go to 10 but his goes to 11.

    Once, when I was in an emotional situation that seemed enormous, my friend said to me, “Celia, you come in at 11. Maybe you could approach this situation differently. Try coming in at 4.”

    In other words, RELAX.

    So in the last couple of weeks I’ve gone from saying, “I’m in the middle of the biggest job of my entire life, it’s just HUGE,” to saying, “I happen to be doing a job right now that is asking me to operate on a bigger scale than I am used to.”

    Taking it from 11 to 4 has helped me to enjoy the process again, release the pressure, and right-size the experience. It’s a job. Period. It will come to an end and then there will be another job. Period.

    As much as Nigel drew pleasure from the extreme power of his amp, I am learning to draw pleasure from the power that exists on the middle ground.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Putting things in their proper perspective takes the pressure off and allows me to rejoice in the simple activities of the day.

    The Present

    • February 8, 2010 9:47 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As the love and support continues to pour in for who I am and what I do I am truly humbled by the kindness and generosity so many of you have shown me. Thank you for being on my team.

    Now a word (or two) on meditation…

    Just over ten years ago I was looking after a couple of kids while their parents were away. Their mother had a yoga practice and although I had a knowledge of yoga and had been taught some of the asanas, I did not have a practice, let alone a devoted one. This particular mama had yoga video tapes and one morning while the kids were in school I put one on and followed it.

    At the end of the practice it came time for savasana. As you may or may not know, savasana, AKA the Corpse Pose, is often the last posture to be taken in a class. It’s the resting and restorative pose that allows our bodies to integrate and feel the benefits of the entire practice in which we’ve just engaged.

    Lemme tell ya somethin’, folks. Ten years ago, I could not relax enough to lie in this posture for ten minutes. I kept sitting up to see if I’d missed the end of it somehow. No joke. I’m lying on the mat going, “Come on! Are you serious?” and then I’d peek up at the tape again. At the time, those ten minutes felt like an eternity. I had zero patience.

    Meditation is the art of being present. People think meditation means you have to clear your mind of everything and be some kind of a supreme being. No. It is the simple practice of being in your life as it is happening.

    Yesterday I spent 12 hours in a studio working with a multimedia artist on our video for the Big O Project. Most of the time he was working on the computer and I was waiting for him to show me something. For twelve hours I was able to sit there and be present in my life as it was happening.

    For a gal who could not lie down and be still for ten minutes this is a miracle.

    I attribute this miracle to meditation. Learning how to sit still and breathe and observe my thoughts. It began by lying on a mat, sitting in a chair, doing NO thing.

    As I developed an ability to do this much I carried the practice into my daily life. Being on the bus, tying my laces, doing the dishes, etc. Through the practice of meditation I’ve learned how to be present in my life as it is happening.

    Impatience still comes up. I still look for distractions. I still avoid the stillness sometimes, not wanting to go there, not wanting to find out what I need to hear or feel. But meditation has changed my life for the better. It has landed me in my life, in my body, in this Celia skin, where I have learned to really love myself and others.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will practice meditation in all its varying forms. Lying down, sitting, breathing is just the beginning. I will practice landing in my life and being present to who I am and what I do.

    We All Need Somebody to Lean On

    • February 6, 2010 9:31 am

    Dearest Readers,

    During a summer road trip with lover a few years ago the two of us were sharing some of the more intimate parts of our lives with each other while driving along the deserted highway. As we pulled over at a rest stop this lover got out of the car and approached me for a hug, saying, “I need life support.” The sharing was that deep.

    This expression is now one I use whenever I need a hug or an ear or a shoulder to lean on. I have to carefully choose to whom I say these words because not everyone is able to give life support. Sometimes the moment isn’t the best either.

    Yesterday I was in need of big time life support. I ran into a friend and, for a moment, considered saying it right then. But the timing wasn’t great so I said nothing. Moments later, we were interrupted by a fracas and I was glad I’d held my tongue.

    So I asked The Life Force Energy of the Universe for life support instead. I prayed for help. And I got it.

    First, I received an invitation to tea, during which time I and a girlfriend chatted and laughed and listened to one another share. I was able to process what I had been through that day and come out the other side.

    The second and third responses to my request came in the guise of voice mail messages. When I got home after the tea date there were two messages waiting for me. Both were from friends calling to tell me they love me, love the work I do and support me unconditionally.

    Thank you, friends, for answering my prayer and for performing CPR on my self-confidence right when I needed it.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will reach out and ask for life support when I need it. I will trust that it will come back to me in unexpected ways.

    Dispense with Defense

    • February 5, 2010 9:32 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Yesterday I got a call from the local press wanting to interview me about The Big O Project. I was expecting a friendly interview and what I got was accusatory challenge. Nice surprise.

    Some of you will remember an earlier blog about the criticism surrounding the fact I hired a composer from Toronto to work with me as a co-writer on the Yukon Anthem section of the project. Well, the reporter who called me was bound and determined to shame me for doing so.

    Most of the interview was spent explaining and defending my decision. I hung up the phone feeling sick to my stomach. But then I had an epiphany. (Don’t you love it when you have moments of sudden insight after the fact? Big help!)

    Here is what I realized: There is nothing to defend or explain. I acted according to my intuition, which is connected to Higher Guidance. Let them think what they want, write what they want, believe what they want!

    Next time I’m asked to defend my position I simply won’t.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I cannot convince the rest of the world to see things my way. If I know in my heart that I have made the best decision possible, that I have stayed true to my Highest Self, then no one and nothing can move me.