Grr-attitude

Dearest Readers,

Last week was “American Thanksgiving” (as we call it here in Canada) and there was a lot of online content about gratitude. One post suggested that our brains are actually hardwired to focus on problems rather than solutions. What a relief! I thought it was just me.

Because I tend to look for what is wrong instead of what’s right, gratitude is something I need to practice. And I do. In order to change my negative outlook, I will often say the words “Thank you” when my brain is thinking, “F-you.”

Grumbling out loud is also something I like to do when I’m alone. “Grr,” when the snow is blowing back in my face after I’ve just it brushed off the car. “Grr,” when I’m trying to upload a photo and the file is too big. “Grr,” when I’m being asked for a two-step verification for the fourth time.

I am aware of my privilege as I write this. Some people don’t have cars, computers and bank accounts. My problems are definitely first class. Gratitude should be easy.

But “shoulding” on myself doesn’t help. What helps is understanding that “the human brain wraps around fear and problems like Velcro”. Being human is just plain hard and looking for the good takes guts and grit.

Going forward, I’ve decided to try a new practice. When I hear myself saying, “Grr,” I’m going to extend the word and say, “Grr-attitude.”

I’ll let you know how it goes.

On the path with you,

Celia

We are Complex Creatures

Dearest Readers,

I hope this letter finds you balancing the challenging times with the beauty of the moment. We’ve just had Thanksgiving here in Canada and despite the wackiness of the world these days, I’m feeling thankful to be a part of it.

Because of some big world news this week, I have been thinking a lot about human complexity and how we are not one thing.

For example:

An abusive husband can be tender with his children.

A skinny woman can think she is fat.

A peace activist can be cruel to his partner.

A feminist can pose nude for a men’s magazine.

A prevaricating authoritarian figure can negotiate a cease-fire.

We are not one thing!

Human behaviour is not black or white and people are contradictory and complicated. This is difficult to accept. It would be so much easier if we were all good or all bad, wouldn’t it?

I had a birthday recently and with it came a steady stream of compliments. “You are so compassionate, so kind and so generous!”

Yes, I can be those things. But I can also be mean-spirited, judgemental and arrogant. If the Apple Tech Support Agent and the Amazon Sales Rep had posted on my timeline you would have seen a more realistic picture of who I am.

We are not one thing.

Whenever I am struggling with jealousy, superiority or selfishness (some of my finest qualities), a friend of mine will say, “Welcome to the human race, Celia.”

A prevaricating authoritarian can negotiate a cease-fire. Welcome to the human race.

With love and humble pie,

Celia