• Reach for the Top and Stop

    • July 30, 2010 8:11 am

    Dearest Readers,

    We inherit our parents’ behaviours. This is not news to anyone. They pass on to us all that they are and all that they know: the good, the bad, the ugly and the beautiful.

    Both of my parents are perfectionists. It’s no surprise that both of their parents are/were, too. I have struggled most of my life with the effects of this debilitating dis-ease and have done big time work on myself to overcome the suffering perfectionism can cause. As many of you know, I often refer to myself a “recovering perfectionist.”

    It’s easy for me to forget that just as there are two sides to every story so there is an asset to accompany every defect. I was reminded of this last night by my dear old dad.

    For the last couple of weeks I have been staying in Montreal with my parents in a house they are looking after for some friends of theirs. Tomorrow we are all leaving. My mother has been gearing up to do a “major job” on the house before we go.

    This has been the story of our lives. It’s the clean-your-room-the-cleaning-lady-is-coming syndrome. We leave houses in a better state than they were in when we arrived. If we break a glass it gets replaced with a set of six and some placemats on the side. In other words, we have been taught to go above and beyond, over the top, round the loopin’ bend of the call of duty.

    Though I am getting better at keeping my mouth shut in family situations I didn’t manage to do so successfully on this issue. There is a woman coming here to clean the house after we leave and still my mother was talking about this “major job” we had to do to get the house ready.

    So I turned my frustration into a little song while we were doing the dishes: “Above and beyond the call of duty/That’s why we’re so f’d up/Forcing us to go/Above and beyond/The call of duty…”

    My dad cracked up laughing (thank goodness a sense of humour has also been a cherished family trait) but then he said, “You wouldn’t have gotten where you are in life without going above and beyond the call of duty.”

    He was right. I couldn’t rebut. My personal drive can also be attributed to this powerful instinct to please others, to succeed, to do more and be more. If the defect of perfectionism is to go over the top then the asset surely must be  to strive for one’s personal best.

    So I have to hand it to my parents. They gave me a lot of issues from which I am currently recovering but they gave me a lot to be grateful for as well. I owe them more than a critical song-and-dance number. I owe them my deepest thanks.

    Now if you’ll excuse me I have to go and re-tile the guest bathroom.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Every negative attribute I have inherited from the generations before me has a positive side as well. I will recognize the asset in the defect and see if I can find the middle ground.

    Let Sleeping Dogs Lie (Briefly)

    • July 29, 2010 8:40 am

    Dearest Readers,

    These are the Dog Days of summer. According to Wikipedia, “Dog Days… are the hottest, most sultry days of summer… Dog Days can also define a time period or event that is very hot or stagnant, or marked by dull lack of progress.”

    A dull lack of progress. I’m doing my very best to work against this very thing. I’ve been in Montreal for 3 weeks for the birth of my sister’s first child and I’m surrounded by a bunch of family members all on their vacation time. This means a lot of visiting and a lot of relaxing.

    Relaxing is good. I need relaxation. But you know the expression about too much of a good thing. An excess of anything can be harmful. Even down time.

    When I have too much time on my hands I get lazy. And laziness is not relaxation. Laziness is lethargy and lethargy is a lack of energy and enthusiasm.

    When I am leaning too much toward lethargy I’m heading for trouble. Low energy for me tips the scales and I start tending toward negativity and despair. It is absolutely vital that I monitor the amount of “vacation” time I take. Because if I’m not careful I end up taking a vacation from my spiritual well-being.

    So each day I’ve been seeking a balance between hanging out with my family and allowing myself to enjoy leisure time and being vigilant about doing the things that keep my energy flowing. I need to keep up the yoga practice, I need to keep up the business side of things, I need to give service.

    Years ago when I was still figuring all of this out, I rented 3 movies and watched them all in a row. When they were all done I felt like a giant numb blob of poo. The next day I felt like I’d gotten drunk the night before. I had an emotional hangover, which, I learned, comes from too much stimulation (be it from mindless entertainment or acting out in other seemingly harmless yet addictive ways).

    Discovering what works (one movie, once a week) is a process of trial and error. We don’t know what we really need until we give ourselves too much of what we don’t. Even if we’re doing the bare minimum action-wise to stay afloat we will manage to rise above the negative thinking and stay out of the pit.

    Despite the threat of falling backward I’m using all the tools of the Healing Path to continue moving forward. As a result, my body is limber from the yoga asanas, the business is continuing to grow, and I am given the gift of Gratitude from the service work.

    Bark! Bark!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: I will continue to find the balance in my life between relaxation and taking action. I will find what works for me and commit to this practice one day and one task at a time.