• Last Day

    • July 31, 2010 5:00 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Years ago I saw an episode of The Oprah Winfrey Show about a family struggling with the notion of dividing items left to them by inheritance. They were arguing in front of Oprah and it was obvious some of them were in great distress.

    Oprah looked them all squarely in the eye and said, “Y’all know it’s not about the silverware, right?”

    They all looked back, blinking, not getting it.

    “It’s not about the silverware.”

    This line has become a joke and and oft repeated phrase in my own family. When there is an argument or when something ticks somebody off inevitably one of us will say, “It’s not about the silverware.”

    I’m hitting the road this morning and flying back home to the Yukon, where I live. It’s going to be a long day and I have a lengthy layover in Vancouver. I planned to pack my own food because it’s so much more convenient for me and I make better food than one can buy in an airport or on a plane.

    One of the meals I planned to make for myself is not going to happen because my mother tossed out the food with which I was going to make my supper. When I opened the fridge this morning and saw it completely bare I almost… what. Lost it? Over a bunch of kale? Yes. Yes, I did.

    It’s not about the kale.

    But I want it to be. Boy do I want it to be. But if you read yesterday’s blog then you and I both know that it goes much deeper than green leafy vegetables. And that is why, after a prayer that contained words describing violent fantasies, a few deep breaths and one giant-mega surrender, I chose to let it go.

    It’s only kale after all.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I am angry or resentful of another person am I willing to admit there is more going on than what is immediately visible? Am I willing to own up to the deeper truth? I will pray for the willingness to make a Deep Surrender when my anger becomes too great to bear.

    I Do

    • June 1, 2010 10:14 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Today is my parents’ 42nd wedding anniversary. This, quite frankly, amazes me. The longest committed relationship I’ve been in lasted one year. Another, which I would call semi-committed, lasted about two. A handful of others lasted months or weeks or days. Several lasted years with no commitment. Most were dysfunctional.

    Despite the fact that I have parents who are still together after 42 years my opinion of marriage is rather spiritless. I don’t believe in it and I don’t not believe in it. If you want to get married, great! If you don’t, great! Personally, I have no desire to get married and doubt I ever will. But who knows? Things change and people change and I’ve been known to be wrong (on one or two occasions).

    My parents have been close to splitting many times over the course of their four-decade-long relationship. Every time they have been on the verge of a split the two of them work it out, sometimes with help and sometimes not. They move through the difficulties, re-commit to the vows and stay together.

    I’ve heard that half of all marriages end in divorce. Not exactly true. The following quote was found after Googling “divorce rate canada”:

    “The latest estimates from Statistics Canada in 2008 suggest that 38 per cent of married couples in Canada will divorce by their 30th wedding anniversary (divorce beyond that point is rare). The percentages range from 22 per cent in Newfoundland and Labrador to 48 per cent in Quebec. In the U.S., the figure is 44 per cent.”

    I knew a couple who separated after 3 months of marriage. I know quite a few couples who split after only 2 or 3 years of marriage. It’s difficult to understand. But it’s also just as baffling to see people staying together for years who are clearly not having a good time in the relationship.

    Being single is not always easy but I must admit that I enjoy it immensely. I’ve had to work out a lot of relationship issues over the years and sometimes wonder if I’m still single because the old fear of intimacy is winning the day or if I truly am most content as an independent. For today, it’s the latter.

    To my parents on this day, however, I offer congratulations and salutations. For sticking it out through thick and thin, for believing in the vows and each other, for the loving and the not-so-loving times that you have shared with us, your family, conveying with true humanity the un-pretty reality of the long-term commitment: it’s work, kids.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Today I will celebrate the relationships in my life and appreciate the work that it has taken to maintain them. I will open to receive intimacy and I will stand firm in my independence. I do!