• Day Eleven

    • June 17, 2010 4:32 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Hitting the road again again after being in Kitchener four days during the Magnetic North Theatre Festival. Tomorrow I get on a plane and fly to the Bahamas to lead Cultivate Your Courage. The weekly weather page for Bahamas on the iPhone has seven straight clouds with ferocious-looking lightening bolts. Should be an interesting week.

    On my way back to Montreal today I will be passing through Port Hope, Ontario, where I lived for three years before I moved back to the Yukon in 2004. My grandparents on my mother’s side still live there, as do her 3 sisters. I’ll be stopping in to see them as I pass.

    My grandparents are quite elderly and though they have managed to stay in their own home until now (with lots of outside help) the time has come for them to move into a senior’s residence. It will be an enormous change for them and though my grandmother is scared she is ready to go. My grandfather, to say the least, is less than thrilled about the move.

    When I lived in Port Hope I went over to see them every single day. I had left Montreal to look after my parents’ second home in Port Hope. It was a sweet deal. I got to live in plantation-style home, they got a property manager.

    In Montreal I had been working in both a seniors’ residence and a nursing home. Both jobs gave me insight into the aging process and appreciation for the elder experience. I also had a knack for working with old folks. My daily visits to my grandparents were rooted in service work. I went there to give them unconditional love and care once a day, without fail.

    Last night when I called my grandparents to tell them I was coming, my grandfather, who has trouble hearing (and listening) said, “I know I’m not supposed to say this but I think of you as a special granddaughter. The time we spent together when you were here was a wonderful period in our lives.”

    The last time I visited I said good-bye to them. And the time before that. Every time I go there I know it may be the last. So today I get to see them and say another good-bye. I considered zooming right past the town and skipping the visit altogether. Port Hope is nestled right beside the highway and it would make my day so much easier. But Life is not always about choosing the easy path.

    Yesterday the wind was as strong as I’ve ever felt it. The force was almost hurricane-like. I watched it whip the trees and pushed against it as I walked and remembered suddenly that I’d dreamt of a tornado the night before. In the dream, I saw the twister in the distance coming toward me. I remember being afraid.

    My job today is to go and be present with my grandparents. To give them love and support as the winds of change blow through their fragile lives. May it pass through without too much destruction.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When I want to avoid the difficult emotional territory that comes with familial relationships I will remember that Unconditional Love heals all wounds. It is a Force of Nature, more powerful than anything else in the world.

    Day Eight

    • June 14, 2010 3:55 am

    Dearest Readers,

    Here I am in Kitchener, Ontario, for the Magnetic North Theatre Festival and outside the birds are chirping up a storm as the day breaks. They are competing with the endless rush of traffic that whooshes by on the street below, a main thoroughfare. Amazing how we co-exist, isn’t it?

    Each morning I have ritual that I call my spiritual practice. It involves prayer, meditation and yoga. I usually read from some kind of devotional literature and this morning’s reading talked about the idea of inner change leading to outer change, which happens to be something I believe very strongly.

    Here is a caption:

    “It is not your circumstances that need altering so much as yourself. After you have changed, conditions will naturally change.”

    This tenet is one of the basics of metaphysics: my belief systems are creating my reality. This, of course, is easier to swallow when things are going well. When things are not going so well it is tougher to accept the idea that I might have something to do with it.

    But here’s the part I like: It’s not my fault. And here’s the catch: it is my responsibility. If I’m attracting negativity I’m not a bad person and doing it all wrong. I just have a faulty belief system that needs rewiring. In order to change and be changed I must be willing to do the inner work. Only for that am I responsible.

    For years I would attract car accidents. Thank goodness I made it out alive and uninjured every single time. But it was wild, I’m tellin’ ya. The last one was in the north of BC on a logging road and as the truck went off the road and flipped over onto its side I actually said to myself, “Here we go again.”

    Now I could choose to believe that this was a lot of bad luck or I could choose to look at it metaphysically. What needs to “crash” on the inside? Well, my whole Way Of Being, frankly. I needed to change my entire friggin’ life. And finally I did. No more accidents. For today 😉

    I’m not perfect. The Old BS (belief systems) that are presently in the process of being extracted are stubborn and tough hangers-on. I’m having to practice patience big-time right now because I just want them (one in particular) GONE. But I’m not the Do-er. I’m just the gal through whom the Do-er works.

    So this morning, as the darkness turned to grey and then to a lighter grey (no sun in Kitchener today) I prayed for that “altering” of myself one more time and the patience to live with my imperfect Self for another day. I remain willing and I let go of the desire to spin the planet.

    And the birds sing on.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: If my outward circumstances need changing I will start with my inner life. What is broken? Where can I be healed? I will ask for Guidance and become willing to change and be changed.