• Post 509

    • May 28, 2010 9:33 am

    Dearest Readers,

    A valuable piece of knowing was given to me yesterday in the counseling session at Hospice Yukon. It has created an opening in my way of thinking. A fissure of new understanding.

    One of the things I have been struggling with is the “right to grieve”. Leanne and I were close over 20 years ago. Our contact since then has been minimal. Am I really allowed to mourn? It sounds crazy but I have been wondering about these things.

    The counsellor said something like this in response to my question:

    Your depth of grief over a person’s death is directly connected to how deeply you loved her/him. That is all.

    This simple and beautiful statement gave me permission to feel whatever it is I am feeling with total freedom.

    I will carry this little piece of wisdom with me always. Thank-you Anthony!

    Inspiring Message of the Day: When we love deeply we risk having to grieve deeply. It would be safer never to risk that love and so avoid the pain. But living life to its fullest involves embracing both these aspects of Being. Like conjoined twins, joy and grief are inseparable mates.

    Hear(t)

    • May 27, 2010 8:31 am

    Dearest Readers,

    As some of you may recall, my friend Leanne died a month ago. It’s hard to believe that much time has already gone by. Zoom! I have thought of her many times, prayed for her and her family, remembered her laugh.

    Shortly after Leanne died I made an appointment with Hospice Yukon. They provide free counseling for those who have experienced loss and I decided to take advantage of it. Their counsellor was away and so the appointment was made for weeks later. That day has come.

    Already I’ve been planning what I’m going to say. Already I’ve been wondering if I really need to go. If I were to listen to the voices in my head I would have canceled the appointment long ago.

    Thank goodness I’ve stopped listening to those voices! When I first went into Hospice the lovely and kind receptionist gave me a little red heart; a tiny cushion with rudimentary stitches crookedly holding it together. It came with a little slip of paper that said, “A reminder to hold our own hearts tenderly.”

    How I need this reminder! I’m keeping this appointment today because I need to hold my own heart tenderly. I need to remember that there is grief to be expressed. I need to allow myself to be supported, encouraged and heard.

    It’s tempting to think, “I’m fine. I don’t need any help. I’ve grieved enough.” Feeling our feelings happens to be one of the most terrifying things out there. But if I can give myself permission to connect to my heart then I allow my deepest feelings to be felt. I honour them, I honour me.

    And I honour Leanne.

    Inspiring Message of the Day: Do I have someone with whom I can share my deepest feelings? Someone who will hear the expression of my heart without judgment and with total compassion? I will seek out that person and give myself permission to feel my feelings and to be heard.